Presenting Baseball’s All-Eclipse Team, from Sonny Gray to Moonlight Graham
Monday isn’t just any old day in America. It’s Eclipse Day!
So what does that have to do with baseball? Well, it’s unlikely anybody is going to lose a fly ball in the solar flares. So what does that leave us? How about this spectacular idea: It’s the perfect time to unveil Baseball’s All-Eclipse Team.
What’s that? It’s just a goofy exercise that my Starkville podcast partner, Doug Glanville, and I cooked up for this week’s show. Then we brainstormed with the great Jason Benetti, Tigers broadcaster and quick-witted expert on pretty much every wacky idea we’ve ever thrown at him, on our own All-Eclipse Team on the show.
I invite you to check out the whole show, because A) Jason Benetti is hilarious, B) it’s not all eclipse talk and C) did I mention Jason Benetti is hilarious? But also, you can listen in real time as this totally inspired idea springs to life in the pod-i-verse, and we begin to craft the first All-Eclipse Team in baseball history. It’s pure magic, because of course it is.
But once the recording of the show was out of the way, our team was still slightly (by which I mean totally) disjointed. So I sprang into action to flesh out an All-Eclipse Team that could actually (OK, make that theoretically) take the field, because it now has a real baseball player at every position.
I dreamed big, for just a brief moment, about lining up our All-Eclipse Team against the Savannah Bananas, and taking that show on the road. There’s only one reason, however, that we won’t be launching that eclipse tour: Some of the members of this team could be technically described as “not presently alive.”
But let’s not let minor details like that get in the way of your enjoyment of this en-light-ening exercise. Plus, after I’ve done my bit to run this eclipse thing into the ground, we have exciting bonus All-Eclipse Team coverage from you, our readers, straight from the incredible interactive cosmos we live in. So stay tuned for your awesome picks.
OK, on that note, it’s time for you to remove your stylish eclipse glasses and behold the other-worldly majesty of the first (and undoubtedly last) All-Eclipse Team, as selected by a distinguished panel consisting of me, Glanville and Benetti (but mostly me).
1B — Rowdy Tellez-scope
2B — Hector Luna
SS — Alvin Dark
3B — Alex (Total) Liddi*
OF — Jorge Soler
OF — Skye Bolt
OF — Moonlight Graham
C — Fernando Lunar
PITCHING STAFF — Sun-Woo Kim, Sonny Gray, Johnny (E) Klippstein, Blue Moon Odom, Pat Light, Ray King
MANAGER — Bud Black
OFFICIAL REFRESHING BEVERAGE — Corona Light!
(*Helpful pronunciation guide: “Totality!” Hey, we were desperate for a third baseman, all right?)
So that’s my team, in all its pun-filled glory. But now it’s your turn. Who do our readers think belongs on the All-Eclipse Team? Read on! Then submit your own nominations in the comments section, so we can ensure that this idea will streak across a sky near you.
Some reader submissions that caught our eye:
“Sunny” Jim Bottomley
Wally Moon
Ray Knight
Ray Starr
Paul Waner
Tommy La Stella
Yangervis Solarte
GO DEEPER
As Cleveland’s home opener nears, what to expect when you’re eclipsing
GO DEEPER
Total Eclipse of the Park: The Guardians’ home opener coincides with a rare solar eclipse
You can buy tickets to every MLB game here.
(Top image: Dan Goldfarb / The Athletic. Photos: Jorge Soler / Andy Kuno / San Francisco Giants / Getty Images; Blue Moon Odom: Louis Requena / MLB / Getty Images; Rowdy Tellez: Jess Rapfogel / Getty Images)
